Microfiction: St. Augustine Fountain of Youth Vampire Comedy Dream

A vampire takes a trip to St. Augustine, Florida. He's writing a book on immortality and thought he might research the Fountain of Youth myth. He stops by a comedy club in Jacksonville, Florida, on his way to St. Augustine, where he meets a comedian who is making jokes about Ponce de Leon's search for the Fountain. The vampire reaches St. Augustine later that evening and sleeps, dreaming that the comedian was an Arabian ghoul seeking to belittle the truth of the Fountain in order to prevent people from attaining everlasting life.

The comedian, that same night, dreams of a vampire who brings him to a bloody pool in a Floridian swamp and makes him drink the blood. Before them appears St. Augustine, the actual Saint, saying that the comedian now was a member of the City of the Anti-God.

St. Augustine of Hippo wrote a manuscript about a Fountain of Youth. One of his underlings, a monk who was actually a vampire, said he would seek out the Fountain. St. Augustine said he saw the Fountain in a dream, sitting in a swampy area. The monk thought this might be some place south of the desert, where wanderers had reported that there were jungles. The monk went out into the desert with a merchant to guide him. The merchant told jokes that made the monk laugh, and the monk drank the blood of the merchant at night to keep the monk alive for the journey.

A comedian is writing a novel about a man who has many unusually detailed and realistic-feeling dreams of being a traveler who drinks from the Fountain of Youth and is then turned into a vampire. The traveler then makes a sojourn to St. Augustine in Hippo, a city of North Africa, so that he can be cured of his condition, and St. Augustine baptizes him as a Christian and the traveler, this way, gains spiritual ever-lasting life.

In St. Augustine, Florida, a fake Fountain of Youth is being built. A real vampire plays a prank on tourists who visit this fake Fountain and dip their feet in it, by following them to their bed and breakfasts, hypnotizing the tourists and making them drink his blood. The tourists then wake up from their sleep having had vaguely scary dreams, and find themselves now with a thirst for blood. As time goes on, they discover they have also become immortal and wonder if the Fountain wasn't fake after all.

Vampire bats that have migrated from Mexico drink the blood of homeless people and drunks who have fallen asleep outside in St. Augustine and surrounding places in Florida. One homeless man fell asleep by a fountain in the Old City area of St. Augustine one night, and dreamed he was guarding the Fountain of Youth from Ponce de Leon. In the dream, he and Ponce get into a fight in front of the Fountain and kill each other, inches away from the water that will make them immortal. Someone comes along and throws the bones into the Fountain on a whim and the homeless man and Ponce are regenerated, climb out of the Fountain, look at each other and laugh themselves silly. The homeless man awakens, and has a laugh himself. He falls into the fountain he had fallen asleep by, and laughs even more.